


The Chariot

by Fieryflamess



Series: Julian's Route [3]
Category: The Arcana (Visual Novel)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-09
Updated: 2020-08-10
Packaged: 2021-03-06 02:40:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,234
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25776010
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fieryflamess/pseuds/Fieryflamess
Summary: One nightmare, broken fruit stand, and crashed play later, Ryuhiko finds himself more attached to Julian than he ever wanted to be. And it's not even the end of the day.
Relationships: Apprentice/Julian Devorak
Series: Julian's Route [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1877557
Kudos: 4





	1. Nightmares

The sound of the door shutting roused Ryuhiko to wakefulness, throat dry, and head muggy from sleep. He carefully and quietly climbed out of the hiding hole, pushing the hatch door open. Then he walked into the kitchen sleepily, glancing around. Peeking through the curtain to Julian's room revealed that Mazelinka wasn't home; he must have started her day already. Dawn was brushing its fingers against the horizon, little slivers of light performing morning stretches. He settled down at the table with a sigh and stared at the wood grain, his brain trying to catch up to his body.

"N-no, please—" Julian's voice came, stressed. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry—"

A loud thud came from the bedroom. Ryuhiko hopped to his feet, hardly thinking, and pulled the curtains back. Julian dropped his head back to the floor with a groan, tangled in the sheets, and face white as a ghost lily. He lifted his hangdog gaze to Ryuhiko and gave him a wry smile, sweat beading his brow.

"Ryuhiko... Did I wake you? I...sorry, I didn't mean to disturb you."

"Don't apologize. I was already awake." Ryuhiko grabbed his arm and helped untangle him from the sheets. He could feel the tension. "Sounded like you were having a nightmare." Julian was trembling and trying to avoid meeting his eye. He was a fool to think he could hide it.

"Did it? That would be because I was. Having a nightmare, that is." Julian swallowed and dropped down to the edge of the bed, slumping as he rested his elbows on his knees. "Seems silly in the light of day. Or, er, dawn. It wasn't real. Was it?" Julian looked at him. "Ahem. Why were you out of bed?"

"You're trying to change the subject. I heard you talking in your sleep, and you're still shaking."

"What, shaking? Nonsense, I'm a doctor. My hands are as sure as death and taxes."

Ryuhiko rolled his eyes and lifted one of Julian's arms to confirm his suspicions. Whatever he dreamt, it'd shaken his cool resolve. He tried to pull away, but Ryuhiko didn't let go.

"I told you, it's nothing. It wasn't real; I have no reason to be upset."

"I'm no stranger to nightmares, Julian. It doesn't matter if they're real or not." Ryuhiko settled on the bed next to him, watching him jump a little.

"I can't hide anything from those piercing eyes, hm? ...How'd you end up with that color? Your parents, or did you make them that way?"

"My eyes? Oh, uh, where I'm from when you do magic, one of your physical traits is changed. Mine happened to change my eyes from brown to amber. Some find marks on their bodies, their hair color changes, anything." He shook his head lightly with a slight smile. "Now that you know, can we focus on the more important topic?"

Julian sighed. "Damn. Don't know why I bothered to try." He paused to consider his next words. "...Do you believe in forgiveness?"

"Forgiveness?" Ryuhiko tilted his head. That dream must have really shaken him. Julian looked like a spring too tightly coiled, all tension points.

"Do you think... that even truly heinous things can be forgiven? Or are there some things you don't get to come back from?"

"You can come back." Maybe it wasn't what Julian wanted to hear, nor the answer Ryuhiko wanted to give, but it was probably the best. Some things no one could forgive, but that didn't mean you stopped your life because of it. "You can always come back."

"If I could remember... then I would know. If what I've done is something unforgivable."

"What if it is? What will you do then?"

"I—" He seemed a bit startled at the question. "If I can't make it right... then I'll take whatever punishment I deserve. Without question." His shoulders slumped a little. "Well, isn't this a dour conversation. Ahh, don't mind me, Ryuhiko. It's just the sleep deprivation talking. Five cups of coffee, and I'll get the pep back in my step."

The tension hadn't eased out of Julian's shoulders, but if he didn't want to talk, Ryuhiko couldn't force him. Still, there were other things he could do to help.

"So... What's the world like, outside Vesuvia?"

"Ahh. I'd nearly forgotten your memory issues."

"Already? Am I really the one with the issue, or is it you?" He teased.

Julian relaxed back against the wall at the head of the bed and gave Ryuhiko a tired smile. "I've been all over. What do you want to hear? The pirate ships that plague the Frozen Sea? Or maybe the Priestlords of Firent? Ahh, I could tell you about the Floating City of Hjalle— Er, maybe not that one. It's a little compromising."

"Compromising? You'll have to tell me some other time then." Ryuhiko pulled himself on the bed, facing Julian. "Where did you grow up?"

"Hrmm? Where I...?" He took a second to relax again. "Little town south of here, in the salt flats. Nevivon. Ah, Nevivon. Known for its saltwater hot springs. The healthiest bath you'll ever take. Haven't been back for a spell. And since Pasha left, not much reason to return." His face lit up all of a sudden. "Ah! I know. How about the time I accidentally stole a pregnant war elephant? As long as you promise to keep respecting me after."

"As if I respected you in the first place. Carry on. I'd love to hear it."

"Are you comfy? Because there's room for two over here." Julian patted the space beside him.

"Platonic room for two? As a couple of pals?"

"This isn't your way of telling me you're straight, is it?"

"I have never been, nor ever will be straight. What does my sexuality have to do with this, Devorak?"

"Ah... Nevermind. Are you sure you're okay over there? What if you fall asleep?"

"What happens, happens. Besides, if I fall asleep over there, you won't be moving until I wake up. Now get on with the story."

Julian hesitated a moment longer before sighing and shaking his head. Then he launched into the story, Ryuhiko listening intently. A few minutes passed, and he had begun to doze, head resting on his knees. Julian's warm voice slowly lulled him back to sleep. It was a bit surprising; no one had ever done that before, but he couldn't find it in himself to think much about it. He was just too sleepy.

"Sorry, Ryuhiko... but it's better this way."

Sunlight dappled Ryuhiko's face as a little bird chirped a cheerful tune on the windowsill, rousing him. Stretching from his curled up position, he noted that Julian had gone, a depression in the bed the only trace he was ever there. He clambered out of bed with a yawn and looked around the hut. Julian wasn't there either. He was alone. Had Julian slipped away after Ryuhiko fell asleep? Was he coming back? Ryuhiko didn't know how to navigate the city that well, so he was utterly lost without Julian.

He slowly dropped to sit at the table for the second time that morning, feeling confused and kind of sad. Why was he sad? Strange. He idly drew patterns on the table as he tried to work through it all, but couldn't focus for the life of him. Suddenly the door swung open, and Ryuhiko found himself charging a spell to launch at someone. Julian. He lowered his hands and took a shaky breath.

"Oh. You're, er, already up." Julian said, either not noticing or choosing to ignore what had happened.

"You gotta stop scaring me, man. I'm going to end up hurting you. And where were you anyway?"

"I was, um, out to get breakfast, but I didn't know what to get you... So I came back."

"Right, that's so believable." He shook his head.

"Listen, Ryuhiko. We need to talk."

Nothing good ever came from that phrase. Ryuhiko eyed him warily, crossing his arms and playing with an earring. "Alright."

"Good, good. But, er, not here. Let's go to the market, shall we? More places to talk."

"Sounds counterproductive. Won't we get distracted and end up not talking about whatever it is that's weighing on your mind?"

"No, it'll be fine. Trust me. We'll talk."

"If you say so." Ryuhiko quickly put his earrings in and tied up his hair, standing. "Off we go then."

"After you, my dear."

"I am most certainly not your anything, but thank you." Ryuhiko left the house, still adjusting and fixing his clothes.

Julian led Ryuhiko away from the outskirts of the district and deeper into his part of town, finally respecting the distance put in place. Eventually, they emerged from the twisting alleys into a sidestreet bustling with market-goers, noisy and crowded. It wasn't like the one by the shop with dedicated stalls. This one looked more like a regular street had been converted.

"Ryuhiko... About that talk— Ah! Wait, I nearly forgot. First things first. Mazelinka left a shopping list for us." Julian whipped out a list and scanned it. "Just a few ingredients to pick up. Pickled tingleberry, charred newt flesh, articulated goosewart..." He looked up from the list. "She uses them for her folk remedies. Most effective pep-up soup I've ever had. And I've had a lot of soup."

Ryuhiko recognized the ingredients, though not for folk remedies. "Does Mazelinka practice magic? These are all spell ingredients."

"What? These things? Nonsense. They're ingredients for medicines. Effective ones, too."

"These are definitely magical. We keep some of these at the shop."

"It's not magic." He sneered. "No one chanted nonsense from a fancy but ominous tome. There were no glowing circles and weird runes. No one bled." He looked distinctly uncomfortable with the prospect of Mazelinka casting magic. Was that what he thought Ryuhiko did?

"Does magic bother you that much?"

"I— errrr. Of course not. It's just I don't understand it. Never have. But these remedies, I understand. You mix things together, chop them up, and they work. Or they don't, and you try something different."

"Isn't that most things in life? It may not be this way for everyone, but that goes for magic too. For me, at least. Some things work. Some don't. But you keep trying until you find what does." Ryuhiko tugged at his sleeve. "Even if it turns out a glowing circle and chanting are the only things that work." He rubbed his shoulder with a sigh.

"...Where have I heard that before? Ahh, it doesn't matter. Look at you, knowing things. And me? All I know is that I don't know." There was a pause. "So, Ryuhiko, about that talk—"

"Jules, that you?? Ain't seen you in the city fer years, y'old dog! What're you doin' here, eh??" A leech collector said, catching Julian's attention.

"Tilde! Good to see you. How's the wife? Still having those headaches?"

The woman scoffed, waving her hand vaguely as she shouldered her leech sack. "She's doin' fine. Still talkin' 'bout moving to Prakra. What're we gonna do that for, they don't got a leech market there..."

Julian took Ryuhiko's hand, pulling him further into the crowds. Merchants and shoppers alike called out to the doctor as the two passed.

"So, listen. We need to—"

"Watch it! Comin' through! Biscuits, get back here!" A tiny child barreled past the two, chasing a ragged looking dog down the street as it howled.

They pushed against Ryuhiko as they ran, catching him off balance. Time seemed to slow as he fell backward, heading directly for a rickety fruit cart. The collision was inevitable. And then he hit a broad chest, and the scent of leather and musk washed over him as they both stumbled backward. Julian hit the ground with a grunt, arms wrapped around Ryuhiko to break his fall.

"Oof! Ryuhiko, you alri— Ohhhhhh no—"

They both watched the cart beside them wobble, an apple in the corner of the stack threatening to break free. It hit the ground in front of them, rolling to a stop as it hit Julian's foot. Then it all came crashing down.

"Ohhh, that's going to hurt— Watch out for—" Julian rolled them, blocking the collapsing cart from hitting Ryuhiko with his body, and let out a grunt. "Are you alright? Nothing hit you, did it?" Julian pulled him to his feet and dusted him off, hovering over him like a worried mother hen.

"I'm fine. You're the one who got hit." Ryuhiko said. "You're okay, right?"

"Nothing the curse won't fix." He turned to the destroyed cart. "Now, isn't this a mess... looks like I'm buying a fruit stand today." He rummaged around in his cloak, and then pulled out a burlap bag that jingled with the clink of coin. "Er, do you take Galbradine doubloons? Or Hjallen drakr?"

Ryuhiko watched in fascination as Julian poured a pile of foreign currency out in front of the harried fruit vendor. It must have been a small fortune contained in that bag.

"Well, that takes care of that... Free fruit! Come get your free fruit, everyone!"

An insatiable crowd descended on the bruised fruit, quickly clearing the streets of any last remnant. Julian grabbed Ryuhiko's hand again and pulled him out of the mob, into a side street. There, he began to check over him for injuries. Ryuhiko stepped back to put some distance between them, pulling his arms out of the doctor's grasp.

"Julian."

"Mmhmrhm, yep? You weren't hurt, were you? Everything still where it should be? I'm sorry about that. Should have mentioned the streets can get rowdy."

"Don't we need to talk about something?"

"Yes, yes. Ah! I know. I'll make it up to you. This next place is sure to knock your socks off. Nice little teahouse, just down the way. We can sit there and talk. It's cozy. You'll like it."

"Did you say a teahouse? I love tea! You're finally speaking my language. Show me!"

"I knew you'd come around, Ryu. This way."

Julian led him from the market and deeper into the city, grabbing his hand for the third time. Ryuhiko, not wanting to get lost, allowed it to happen. What harm could come from just holding onto him for a little while until they got there?


	2. Behind the Scenes

After a leisurely stroll, Julian's eye lit up, and he nodded to a tall, narrow building, stylish and weatherbeaten. There were neither windows nor any discernible doors. There were only panels of fresco cracked like eggshell illustrating faded scenes of romance. That must have been the place.

"So it's still standing," Julian said. "I used to come here all the time, back in the day. It was an irresistible spot." He smiled a little as he reminisced. "High ceilings, great ambiance... little booths, tucked away. And underground. You could lounge around for hours, just talking."

"Sounds really nice. Doesn't look that way now..."

"No..." He sighed. "And we, ahh. I've wanted to say, we do—" They ducked under the shadow of a groaning, rotted beam, down a curving stairwell to the underground level. "—we do need to talk."

"As you've been saying since this morning." Nonetheless, Ryuhiko didn't like the sound of it. He eyed Julian warily as he yanked the stubborn iron door open for him, bending over one arm to usher him through.

"After you, my dear."

"Watch it, Julian. Keep calling me that, and I'll fall in love." Ryuhiko looked inside.

The light was scarce, and faded fabrics in bold patterns hung at angles from the ceiling. There was a slim walkway winding through a maze of dusty, dramatic curio. He looked over his shoulder at Julian. Did the doctor think he was subtle, peering around each corner? Somewhere nearby were tones of lilting conversation. He sensed—smelled, really—many people there, though couldn't find anyone. Julian peered at Ryuhiko out of the corner of his eye.

"Well... huh; this is all very unlike the way I remember it."

"I'd say. Doesn't look like a teahouse anymore." He hadn't meant to sound disappointed, but it'd been a while since he had a good cup of tea.

"The place must have gone under... that's a shame." Julian walked over and patted Ryuhiko's shoulder. "I'm sorry."

"It's alright... I'll make tea when I get home. Do you have a favorite?"

"Well, they used to serve this smoky tea I haven't been able to find since."

As Julian led him through a close corridor, Ryuhiko tried to discern a theme in the objects scattered around. A wisely smiling, hammered metal moon and huge bolts of fabric, sagging over a high-backed chair. Flashing spears, an open chest of tin bells, and raggedy feathers. It all felt a little theatrical.

"Now it seems to be kind of an... oddities... artifacts... antiques? Emporium. How embarrassing. It is still cozy, though." One of his hands landed on Ryuhiko's hip, who nearly laughed at his expressive brow before quickly brushing his hand away. Julian looked away suddenly and froze with a shocked expression. "Now, what have we here?"

Just ahead of them was a speckled, cloudy mirror. Hanging over it, was a doctor's mask that undoubtedly resembled Julian's. Julian snatched it on sight as if to hide it. Tucked under the mirror, Ryuhiko spotted boots, not unlike the ones the doctor was wearing.

"What's this? It’s not a medical mask, is it?" Julian examined the mask with great interest, turning it in his hands, tapping it, and peering into its gaping eyes. "We used to stuff the beak with... herbs, camphor, roses, you know... When we had them. I think this one's just a statement piece."

He chuckled, flipping the mask around and pausing to process its significance. Meanwhile, Ryuhiko honed in on the sounds nearby, louder. The voices, people. The scent was more concentrated, too. There were so many people.

"You hear those voices, don't you?" Ryuhiko asked.

By the way Julian looked at him, he had decidedly not heard the voices. His whole body went stiff, grip tight on the mask. He listened intently, paler than before. Ryuhiko was about to reach out and comfort him when he spoke.

"Yes. Coming from over there?" Julian pointed.

The hum of speech crescendoed into mournful wailing. It was startling but distinctly theatrical. The cry was too comical and exaggerated to be anything else. Ryuhiko took another look around to confirm his thoughts. They were definitely backstage for some theater piece.

"Sounds like somebody's faking it." Nonetheless, Julian fixed the mask over his face as if out of habit.

Curling a hand around Ryuhiko's wrist, Julian held a leather finger to his lips. Carefully, they skulked in the direction of the mournful wailing. They bowed under feather boas and stepped over empty bottles. A set of heavy velvet curtains hung before them, parted only by a thin beam of red light. Just beyond was the source of the noise. Heaving beside a shredded daybed, under a tinted spotlight, was an actor. They were dressed in sheer scarlet robes, wearing a porcelain half-mask of mascara-streaked anguish.

"Wait up in my room? On my birthday??" The actor shrieked. "What do you expect me to do all night in here? Clomp around in my hooves? Beg the busboy for table scraps? If I can't disgust anyone doing it, what is the point?"

"Oh my god," Julian whispered. "That's fantastic. It sounds just like him."

Was that supposed to be Count Lucio? Ryuhiko tilted his head slightly. Was it an original play or a reenactment? Either way, it sounded like they hadn't given the actor a flattering part. The theater was packed to the rafters, too. Even in death, people loved to make fun of him. From what he'd heard, it made sense.

"Well, I'm glad to see the arts are flourishing. A renaissance may have begun since I've been away." Julian spoke again. "But... if this is Lucio on his birthday night, then... you don't suppose this is a show about the murde—"

A couple of things happened at once. The audience laughed, a sandbag dropped between the two backstage with a powdery thud, and the curtain started to close. At the same time, the ankle of Julian's boot was snagged by a moving top, dragging him off his feet and into the air. When Ryuhiko could bear to look again, Julian was suspended upside-down over the actor onstage, too stunned to do anything but hang for a beat. Then, thrashing like a worm on a hook, he knocked something free from his boot and into his hand. A knife. Grunting, he swung up to grab hold of the rope at his ankle, just managed to severe it—

And fell, splayed and groaning in the Count's silky lap.

"...Doctor Devorak! Here to cure my boredom!" The actor said. Shrieking laughter and applause came from the audience, while Julian looked around, swallowing visibly.

The moment he looked away from the crowd, back to the actor in Lucio's mask, Ryuhiko knew he was going to go for it. Well, all the more fun to watch. With a bark of sharp laughter, he rose onto his knees, looming over the effigy Count.

"Muhuhuhu, why hello my poor, poor patient. The clock strikes thirteen for you tonight." Julian yanked back his glove and let it go with a snap. The actor Lucio fell back, gasping. "I've come to put an end to your suffering. Enjoy that gasp. It will be your last."

"What are you going to do?" The actor jeered. "Smother me with your thighs?"

"For the hundredth time, no."

The two tussled on the daybed, feathers flying. The audience cheered, delighted. After some hair pulling, the actor reared back, drew a wobbly sword from behind the daybed, and took a wide fighting stance.

"Give me a real fight, man-on-man! We'll see who takes the last gasp."

"If it's a fight you want, it's a— oh." Julian looked at the sword in his hand, almost bewildered. The stagehand that had emerged quickly scampered back out of sight. "It's a, uh, it's a fight you'll get! En garde!"

Wobble sounds resounded to the high rafters, and the crowd went wild. Ryuhiko bit down on his nail, feeling strangely uncomfortable with the sight before him. Like he'd seen fights like that play out hundreds of times and— wait, he had. Real swords and real, living beings, fighting to the death. But the fight he was witnessing now wasn't legitimate in the slightest. He knew that, but—

"Not bad!" Julian's voice broke him from his thoughts. "I might just give you a chance..." The sword flew from the grasp of the actor, and he collapsed over the daybed, Julian's boot planted on his stomach. "...to speak your last words. Choose them carefully, Lucio."

"Is it money you want, Doctor? Expensive things? We're friends, aren't we?" The actor pleaded. "I'm very generous, you know, and I've always liked you best! What's mine is yours!"

"This may surprise you, but some of us don't kill for the money." Julian swung the foil sword in the vicinity of the actor's neck. "Some of us kill to make up for not doing it sooner."

As Julian stared deep into the other masked face, he brought the tip of the sword down. It was just a few centimeters shy, and the crowd went wild. A convulsion and a wet gurgle, and the actor went convincingly limp. Julian stepped back, looking a little green.

"Oh... well. That was easier than I thought it would be. Uh. Now I...? Now what? I can't just go unpunished. I have to pay for this..."

"Guards!" A stagehand shouted from the sideline. "Hang him!"

"...But not like that!" Julian whirled his coat in a dramatic arc, dashing off the stage.

Ryuhiko turned and sneaked back the way he came, the cheers of the crowd ringing in his ears. As soon as he reached the outdoors, his back hit the wall, breathing. His heart was drumming rapidly, almost painful in his chest. It wasn't a surprise to see people watching that, but he hadn't been to a theater since before he got caught up in a war, much less seen a play like that. He slid to the ground and tried to shake it off, focusing on what he should do. Did he wait? Or did he go back in to look for him? It took a moment to figure out how to think right anyway. The second Ryuhiko pressed off the wall and stood, Julian stumbled out, panting and looking a little disturbed.

"Ryuhiko, there you are. What a trip, I'm still one foot in the meta realm." Julian said.

"Yeah... That was pretty crazy." He couldn't keep the shaking from his voice.

"Well, no one seemed to think it was really me. Was the neighborhood always this skeptical? Probably..." One look at Ryuhiko's face made his grin falter. "So that wasn't what I had in mind. Are you alright?"

"I'm okay. I just need to breathe. And I know I've been distant, but may I have a hug? Please?"

"Of course." Julian quickly pulled him into a hug. "You know it wasn't real, right?"

"I know." Ryuhiko only held tighter. "For once, I'm really grateful to be here." He broke the hug and looked at him. "Thanks. And, uh, let's pretend that didn't happen, yeah?"

Julian frowned but reluctantly nodded. "...Let me try this again." He grabbed each of Ryuhiko's hands and looked him deeply, forlornly in the eye. "Ryuhiko, I'd like to head over to the Raven for a bite to eat. If you'd be so forgiving as to join me? My treat, of course. And after that? A nice walk down to the docks. How does that sound?"

"I don't know, Devorak. You can't deny a man his tea and expect him to forgive you so easily." But the offer wasn't bad, and he was curious. If it meant Julian would finally talk, then why not? "We will talk, right?"

"Yes. We'll talk then."

"What are we waiting for then? I'm starving."


	3. Dock Talk

Julian walked ahead of Ryuhiko in the sand, a tall black silhouette against the rocky shore. There was a tension to him that'd been building all day. To Ryuhiko, it felt like it was about to crash over both of them. Shiny black boots stopped at a rotting wood pier. All around them was silence, broken only by the sea. Eventually, Julian took a deep breath, lips parting to speak as he stared out into the endless, fathomless sea.

"Feel that breeze," Julian said. "A nice night for sailing, don't you think?" He shook his head, eyes dropping to stare down past the dock. "Ryuhiko... listen. We, uh. We really need to talk. We've, uh, needed to talk all day. I guess I was enjoying myself too much to take the plunge."

"I had fun today, too," Ryuhiko said, turning his gaze from Julian to the water. "Told you we'd get distracted all day." He wasn't entirely sure where Julian was taking this talk, but it had been a good day. Seeing him out in the city, a smile on his face was amazing. It felt strange, the fluttering in his chest. 

"That you did." Julian paused. "Was it fun when I destroyed a fortune of fruit? Or accidentally crashed a play?"

"A day has to have ups and downs, but even then, it was still fun." It was good to be able to see the city and being part of the community. To see what things could be like if he ended up staying for the rest of his life. "Less likely to get lost now, too. ...The people in town seem to love you."

"They're good people. Hardworking, dedicated. But covering for me is putting them in danger. I know they'd take any chance to get back at the palace. Can't fault them for that. If anything happened to them because of my mess..." Julian sighed. "I'm a disaster waiting to happen, Ryuhiko. And I don't want that disaster to happen to you, too."

Julian dropped down to sit at the edge of the pier, feet dangling over the water. The heel of his boots skimmed the surface. Ryuhiko sat beside him, with a little distance. Still, their shoulders bumped, and Julian leaned toward his touch as if he craved it. After a quiet moment, he lifted his hand and pointed to an island, black against the night sky on the water's horizon.

"See that island? It's called The Lazaret. It's where the city sent their infected during the height of the plague." He lowered his hand. "A perfect monument to my failures. Always visible from the shore, always reminding the city how much it suffered. Every death, every body burnt in those pits, is another mark against me. And there are so many marks..."

Ryuhiko squinted at the island for a moment before looking at Julian. He wanted to comfort him but held back, playing with an earring instead.

"I don't want to drag this out, Ryuhiko. This, whatever it was, whatever it could have been. It has to end before it's too late for you. I'm only going to end up hurting you somehow. I know it."

"You know I've been friend-zoning you from the beginning, right? Besides, I'm not afraid of pain. Life is like that. It hurts sometimes."

"You shouldn't be so cavalier with your own safety, Ryuhiko.

"I could say the same to you. What you're doing isn't healthy."

"We shouldn't even be friends. I'm only trying to protect you—"

"I don't need protection, Julian. I'm not a kid; I'm not fragile."

"It's all I can offer you. I'm not a good man, Ryuhiko. The things I've done. I did something unforgivable. I must have. Where else does this pit in my stomach come from? I won't have you come down this path with me. You deserve better than that."

Ryuhiko pondered the reasons Julian had given so far. None of them had anything to do with why they couldn't just be friends. And he'd heard them all before. Where though? Was it...? Right. One night with Tsukihiko when they'd met up to talk. 'I'm dangerous.' 'I'll hurt you.' 'I don't know what I've done.' 'You deserve better.'*** None of them had ever stopped him from trying to forge some relationship before. Sure, it hurt sometimes, but he always figured out who wasn't worth it in time.

Ryuhiko sighed. "I mean, it should be my choice, too, so... Fine, I'll leave." Whatever he could have said, Julian wasn't listening. It was probably for the best to give him space.

"Listen, Ryuhiko. It's not you; it's me. I—" Julian suddenly looked shocked. "Wait, you're leaving?" He scrambled to his feet as Ryuhiko stood, hands flying out to take his hands and stopping before they brushed skin. He pulled back, quickly trying to hide the distress on his face. "At least let me walk you home. It's dark, never know what scoundrels are about in the shadows."

Wasn't Julian a scoundrel himself? That was what he'd been trying to tell him all night. Ryuhiko crossed his arms. Neither of them wanted to leave, though.

"Devorak..."

"Better get you back home before the guards start making their rounds." It was a flimsy excuse, and the look on his face said he knew it.

"I think I can make it on my own. The guards aren't going to bother me." Ryuhiko began to turn away, but Julian's pleading look got through to him. With a huffy breath, he nodded. Why was he so upset?

Julian slid his hands in his pockets as he led Ryuhiko off the beach and back into town. Every so often, he would open his mouth to say something, then he made a face and closed it again. Eventually, they reached the shop, and Julian turned to him with a note of finality in his voice.

"Well... here we are. At your shop." Julian said. "...End of the line."

"So it seems."

"When I came to Vesuvia, I was seeking answers. Finding you...? That was a rare treat." He reached out, hand hovering over Ryuhiko's shoulder. Unsure whether he was allowed to touch as if he ever had permission. Then he shook his head and leaned forward to press a kiss on each of his cheeks, lips lingering just a second longer. "Thank you, my dear. The time we spent together, however brief, it mattered to me. I won't forget it."

"Sure. Since we're strangers again, call me Hayashi. That is if you ever see me. Good night, Devorak."

Julian winced at the tone of Ryuhiko's voice but nodded. With a whirl of his cape, he left, footsteps echoing down the side street until they faded away, too. Ryuhiko took a deep breath as he faced the door. Asra's magic lingered on the wood, having broken the seal Ryuhiko had replaced a couple of days prior. He hesitated, letting the scents flow through the cracks and spaces in the door. Cinnamon was the most prominent. It quickly became overwhelming when he opened the door, to the point he needed to cover his nose. A thin trail of steam wafted down from the upstairs. Did he really want to go up there? He could still leave before Asra came down, couldn't he?

Every lantern was lit, casting the shop in a warm flickering light. Asra poked his fluffy head down the stairwell, brightly grinning when he saw Ryuhiko standing there. Too late, then. Damn.

"Back from your jaunt at the palace? Welcome home, Ryu." A frown replaced his grin. "...I recognize that look. What happened?"

Could Asra really just pretend everything was fine after what he did? Erasing Ryuhiko's memory was kind of a big strike against his trust. It didn't even matter the reason why; it wasn't appreciated.

"I don't know if I should tell you, Asra. Can I trust you?" Ryuhiko felt a pang of guilt when Asra's face twisted to shock and hurt. It had come out harsher than he wanted, but what happened with Julian had already put him in a foul mood. Not that it was an excuse.

"Of course you can, Ryu. You've always been able—"

"Sure, maybe in the past. But your actions matter, Asra. I don't know how you thought you could get away with erasing my memory like that."

Realization dawned on Asra's face. "You mean at the fountain. I'm sorry. I know how sensitive you've been about losing memories, but I—"

"Let me guess: you had to? Where have I heard that before?"

"It was for your sake."

"Oh, another thing I've heard before."

"Listen. You don't understand."

"That's the problem! How am I supposed to trust that's best for me when I don't have a clue about anything? How am I supposed to trust you? Maybe I've accepted your vague explanations in the past, or whatever past you think we've had, but I can't now."

"Ryu, I'm sorry, but I can't tell you right now. You'll get hurt."

"Ugh, this is impossible, isn't it? You're just going to bullshit your way out of it, I won't get answers, and we'll pretend everything's fine. Sure, sounds good."

"Ryu, don't leave it like this. I can't answer you now, but I hope one day..."

"Sure. As long as I get my answers, we'll be fine. Until then, we'll see." Ryuhiko stopped digging his nails into his palms and sighed. "I'm sorry about that. It's not an excuse, but this evening has been pretty awful. You wanted to know what happened?"

Asra blinked at the change in topic and frowned uncertainly. "If you want to tell me. I won't force you."

"I do. Well, uh. Julian left me."

"He did? You two were...?"

"We weren't. As far as I know, I was pushing Julian into the friend zone. But he said we can't even be friends..."

"Want to come upstairs and talk about it? I made that tea you like. You look like you could use it."

He nodded, words failing him. Even after he'd treated Asra like that, he wanted to listen? And then there was Julian. Did Julian have someone? Could Portia do anything for him, or Mazelinka? He shouldn't face the darkness alone.

Ryuhiko followed Asra upstairs, settling down at their rickety kitchen table, and let out a deep sigh. Faust slithered onto the table and curled around the hot mug as Asra set it down, looking pleased.

"So, what happened...?" Asra asked.

Ryuhiko studied him for a moment. "You really want to listen after that?"

"You have to be cautious. I understand."

"...I'm really sorry. Just let me know if there's any way I can make up for it..."

There was a moment of complete silence. Asra dropped down to sit across from him, patiently waiting for him to speak again. The story spilled from Ryuhiko's lips like a dam bursting, until he'd told Asra most of the details of the day's events, leaving out bits here and there. When Ryuhiko finished, Asra leaned back in his chair, thumb running absentmindedly over the rim of his mug.

"That sounds like Ilya. He took an entire day to end it when it wasn't real? Were you two even friends?"

"I don't really know." Ryuhiko took a sip of his tea, grimacing at the sweetness. Just how much sugar was in it?

"Ilya... The only thing he loves more than drama is his own suffering. And he's determined to chase both." Asra had a dark look on his face as he spoke.

"What should I do?"

The dark lightened up. "Hmm... what do you want to do?" He looked at Ryuhiko with a little smile. "That look in your eyes tells me you already know. You want to go after him, right?"

Ryuhiko nodded, trying to down the rest of the tea as quickly as possible.

"I can't stop you. I just want you to be careful. Who knows? Maybe you can shake him from his ouroboros of self-flagellation. Unlikely, but stranger things have happened. Just don't hurt yourself in the process."

"Oh, come on, Asra. Don't you know me? I'm as careful as they come."

Asra only raised an eyebrow in response.

"Okay, I'm not the most cautious person, but I have enough experience to know when to let go."

"If you say so. Oh! That reminds me. Do you still have the deck I left you?"

Ryuhiko nodded, pulling the cards from his pocket. He had nearly forgotten about them. They seemed excited to be near Asra again, though. Like they missed him. Asra passed his hand over them, and when he moved, they'd vanished from the table. Tension ebbed from his shoulders, some shadow easing from his eyes. He looked relieved.

"You... you're alright, right? Nothing strange happened with the deck...?" He shook his head, hair falling into his eyes as he cleared his thoughts. "...You're home. I'll make us some dinner." Asra slid languidly to his feet and started to clink around in the kitchen, humming idly to himself.

"Um, why don't I do it? I'm sure you need to rest after your trip, and I can't sit still." He hurried into the kitchen and nudged the magician out.

"How have your headaches been?" Asra asked from the table.

"Uh, the past couple of nights have been pretty tame... Barely there at all. We'll find out tonight's level soon, I guess." Ryuhiko went about collecting ingredients and looking through cabinets until he found everything he needed.

Sometime later, the food was done and served, Ryuhiko keeping his distance. Asra had his meal in the dining area, not his favorite food, but one he'd said he liked. Meanwhile, Ryuhiko stayed in the kitchen to enjoy some tea, made the way he actually preferred, and think. Neither of them spoke, letting it be silent save for the clinking of dishes. He stared down at the mug, cupped between his hands, left alone with his swirling thoughts. Whatever happened today, whatever would happen tomorrow, however the story played out, somehow he knew he wasn't done with Julian yet.

* * *

Ryuhiko slipped outside after Asra went to bed. Trying to make it all feel normal was difficult, and it probably didn't work out. Asra was perceptive and was just playing along if anything. If they could just pretend, maybe it would become real. But then they both knew Ryuhiko still didn't trust Asra. It would never work. He leaned against the wall and sipped his perfect cup of tea, watching the streets. Then came around the corner a tall, dirty blond person in a t-shirt and jeans. They looked so out of place in the city.

"Look who it is!" They called as they strode over to him. "It's Ryuhiko!"

Ryuhiko stiffened at their voice. It was familiar. "Hello...?" He gripped his mug tightly.

"How have you been?"

"Who are you?"

"You don't recognize me?" Their tone shifted to one of mock-sympathy. "Oh, that's right. You wouldn't, would you?"

"I-it's- it's you!" Ryuhiko tried to maneuver his way to the shop door, hands shaking as he realized. This person—this _man—_ was the asshole who'd sent him there.

"'Me' who, Ryuhiko? What's my name?"

"I don't— I don't re—" Panic seized at his chest as he began to hyperventilate. "Why are... Why are you doing this?"

"Oh... I haven't had a chance to stop him from talking to you in person like this. I wonder what happens?"

"No... Please. Please don't!" The mug dropped from his hand, shattering on the street. "You're... supposed to be the... good guy..."

"I am. I have to stop the villains and punish them. You, young man, are one of the worst."

"I..." He dropped to his knees, clutching at his hair. "No..."

"Isn't it generous that you get a second chance? A new start?"

Their voice was quickly drowned out by the static screeching sound. Just bad enough to make him hurt but not let him pass out. He fell forward, stretching a hand out to keep himself up. Little shards of the ceramic cup cut into his palm. A sob of agony escaped him as he fell further to the ground. The still-hot tea burned his cheek when it made contact, but he couldn't bring himself to move or speak. He whimpered, and cried, and dug his nails into his skin for what felt like hours, but was only a few minutes.

Finally, it began to ease, and he heard a firm knock on the shop door. He watched the man flee the scene just before Asra came out. There was speaking, frantic, but he couldn't quite make it out. Asra helped him up and took him inside, sitting him on the stool behind the counter.

"What happened?" Asra's voice finally got through to him.

"I... I don't..." Ryuhiko stammered out. "I don't know. Someone I know was— I can't remember his name. He's behind these stupid headaches."

Asra took that moment to start pulling the shards from his hand, healing the smaller cuts. "I'll grab bandages. Stay right there."

"Can you bring something for my face? It burns."

"Okay. Just sit tight."

"Mhm..."

...Was Ryuhiko really a bad guy?


End file.
